Tumblr on We Heart It. http://weheartit.com/entry/42694580/via/jfosterdulles
I just feel like even though no one reads this, I need to write it for myself so bad things will just stop happening. I need to confront the fact of what has happened to me this past year, realize it, feel it, and release it.
Mom died - HEARTBREAK, will never get over this, but I will always have the memory of her smile, laugh, snort and the good times we shared. She was my best friend and losing her was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. But, she is always in my heart, hopefully looking after me so that whatever happens to me, it may break me down, but it won’t kill me. Keep me going mom!
Miscarriage + Ectopic Pregnancy - In the time frame of 1 month I felt so many different emotions. At the end of March I found out I was pregnant, I was scared and excited at the same time, we were overjoyed making plans for our new life with a baby on the way. April came, April was hard. I started bleeding, I bled for an entire month until finally I realized what was happening to my body was more than just a miscarriage. I went into the ER with an ectopic pregnancy at 14 weeks and almost lost my life (almost) mom saved me. I made it through with only the loss of our baby and my fallopian tube. But, I still have another one, so we’ll keep the hope alive!
Our marriage is in just a week in a half and my boss is stressing me at work, when I am just out of surgery and back. I am overwhelmed with money issues, wedding issues, and everyone on earth having anything to do with this wedding’s issues. But, I’m letting all of that go. I’m de-stressing myself. Once I create this post, all of these bad things are behind me and I can look at what is to come.
An amazing fiance who I will be marrying in just a week in a half. A new pregnancy that is healthy and a gorgeous baby, and more after that. A new start, a new career, a new home, a new family.
I have so much to look forward to, this is just a time in my life. But, it can’t rain forever. Soon my rainbow will come. :)
I miss my mama. It’s so weird how you live life and months pass and you don’t cry, and then all of a sudden you just get hit with the memories again and it knocks the breath out of you as if it just happened all over again.